Boogers

How come no one can tell me what boogers smell like?

Weird-Cute

Weird-Cute is the term I use to describe people who I find attractive, but I'm not completely sure why, because they're also kind of weird looking. Zach Braff is the empitome of this phenomenon. Lately, however, I've been meeting a lot of people that I find weird-cute. I would never admit to my friends that I thought these people were cute, only because my friends would say "no way, he's weird-looking" and I would have to agree.

On its face, this term is appears to be an extreme contraditction. But it really isn't... sometimes things that are weird can also be very cool, like the show Arrested Development. So, it's not completely contradictory to say something is weird-cute, because both words can be reconciled to create someting awesome.

I guess it's logical to assume that girls can be weird-cute, too. If they can be, then I'm worried I fit in that category. On the other hand, people who are downright hot still beat the hell out of people who are weird-cute. My hot bofriend Mickey beats every weird-cute man I've ever seen.

So Weird

My best friend from high school has a 10-year-old. Yes, she was fifteen when she had her daughter, but that's not the weird thing. The weird thing is that I was a Freshman in high school TEN YEARS AGO. Oh my God, I am so old. I never thought I was going to get this old. I HAVE WRINKLES, for GODS SAKE!

The other weird thing is that my very cute friend from college won new boobs from a radio morning show. I had no idea that she didn't already have boobs, because I don't generally look at those kinds of things.

Another weird thing: I gave someone a present yesterday and she just took it out of my hands with a quick thanks and ran away. I tried to stop her and say "I got this for you..." but she just ran away. I was speechless. I'm sure she was busy, but she really didn't seem to give a shit that someone would do something nice for her. She's not my best friend or anything, but I was just trying to do something nice for someone and I thought she would appreciate it. I did something nice for her a few months ago and she took it for granted, too. So I'm convinced it's her and not me overreacting (or something).

That's all. I'm two drinks deep and still trying to recover from this very weird 24-hours.

But honestly, I hope it gets weirder. It keeps things interesting.

Etiquette

Please don't tell me how much you get paid. It's SUCH a turn off, since, you know, we both already know I make less than you.

Drained, Literally

Today I donated blood. I considered it my "good deed" for the week. But as we all know, no good deed goes unpunished. I thought that the universe would be tipping its hat to me this afternoon, but instead, I came hope to a big pile of dog poo at my apartment door. Turns out puppy couldn't control himself (I think he's sick, so I don't blame him), because he pooed once and peed on the couch twice while I was at school. Not cool. I was stuck cleaning all this up in my 1/6 of my blood drained state.

Marijuana

I think marijuana should be legalized, but I don't even smoke pot. It's just that there are way worse things in the world that are totally legal. Like smoking. Or booze. Or, Grey's Anatomy.

Frozen Yogurt & Hot Chocolate

Seems kind of ironic to have those two things within 30 minutes of each other, doesn't it?

So, Comedy Can Really Take You Places

Today I was solicited to do a show, but the guy who asked me had one request: keep it clean. That's fine, EXCEPT this thing I'll be performing at involves two of my favorite targets: lawyers and Christianity. Here's the deal...

An NYU professor who is apparently very religious is going to be discussing "What Lawyers Have to be Thankful For." I know, I know... too easy. Serious injuries, old people who are dying, their giant paychecks, hypocondriacs... easy stuff. But I have to make it light and heartfelt, which means I pretty much have to avoid lawyer-bashing. Bogus!

Now the religious element... this talk is being put on by the Cardozo Christians (what, are there, like, two of them? My school is mostly Jewish!!!). So that means absolutely no discussing abortions, gay marraige, and (this is going to be tough) no cursing!!! I guess it's "not very Jesus-like." But then again, being a lawyer in general is probably not very Jesus-like, either.

Wish me luck.

Lawyer Joke

Q: What do lawyers and homeless people have in common?
A: They both sit on their asses all day and try to find ways to take your money from you.

Stand Up at School

Stand up is a little scarier than improv and sketch for some reason. I'm taking the plunge and performing a routine in front of my friends at Cardozo. But you know me... I'm not afraid of jumping, I'm just afraid of landing face first in the ground.

I don't even really know what that means, but it sorta makes sense, so I'm going to stick with it.

Other shows:

Sketch 201 finale show, Oct. 27, UCB at 5:30 p.m.
Sample Platter show, Nov. 3, Broadway Comedy Club at 7:30 p.m.

I Pulled a Muscle in My Back

I wish I could say I did it while I was fighting a tiger or doing something completely awesome, but I can't.

Note on the name change

I initially called my blog Death by Rockness because, well, I had planned to make it a music-type blog, with some comedy interspersed. But since I've hardly written anything about music, I thought it needed a change. Another thing: there is a UCB group called Death By Roo Roo, and my original name sounded too similar to that. But I swear I hand't heard of them when I came up with the name a while back. I love music and I thought it was a fun play on words for Death By Chocolate.

So the new name (for now) is Rooster, named after my iPod.

Coffee Shop

Today I was kicked out a coffee shop for using my laptop during lunch hours. Bizzare. What a fucked up rule.

In My Spam Box Today

hello dad wmeers
hey cat dick! you can make it much bigger, what are you waiting for?
http://goisposa.com/

Hilarious

Last night, Mick and I played charades with our two gay friends who live up on the 35th floor. But, the best part of the night was when one of them accused the other one of being TOO GAY. I mean, how can you get gayer than actually BEING gay?

The weirder thing is that as far as the gayness continuum goes, with 1 being the least gay and 10 being the most, neither of these guys is above a 5. It's like calling out Britney Spears for being out of shape. Like, yeah, she's not in shape at all, but that doesn't make her into a 600-pound ape. Although, she IS getting pretty close...

Wii-tarded

A sketch show about video games? Fucking awesome.

This is Why I Rock (Redeux)

Can you believe it took THIRTEEN PEOPLE to write "This is Why I'm Hot?" There's like 8 words in that entire fucking song.

America's Most Smartest Model

Misery loves stupidity.

Pea-ness

I'm not kidding when I tell you that the lady on Iron Chef said she was really into Mario Batali's pea-ness.

Snoop Dogg

If you're a chick and you're into Snoop Dogg, you deserve to be labeled a bitch.

Rocktober

So, it's October - according to this thing my last post was in June.

October is the best month because it brings us awesome things like Halloween and Ocktoberfest. But really, I just like that Oct sounds like Rocked, so you can a silly POW (play on words) and call it Rocktober.

Speaking of Halloween, Mickey and I have the best costume of the century planned... we're going to be the Hiphoppapottamus and the Rhymenauscesrous. Those made-up words are totally spelled wrong but I think you get the point. It a costume idea stolen from The Conchords (see below).

Oh yeah - in the past four months I've taken 2 UCB classes (sketch 101 with Chris Kula, who left us to go write for MadTV - what a dick! Kidding. And sketch 201 with Neil Casey, an all-around decent human being as far as I can tell). I've also joined an improv troupe called The Sample Platter. No home team affiliation, so don't bother asking us whether we're Magnet/UCB/PIT.

Drinking coffee and studying for law school exams now. Talk soon.

This is Why I Rock

You'd think a song called "This is Why I Rock" might be kind of sick if it were a rock-n-roll cover of a Top 40 hip hop gangsta song, right? But then you learn that the band that covers it is called Purple Popcorn. (Isn't that a synonym for herpes?) So bogus. The song totally does not rock.

Frick... tonight I could have been trying to do my own cover of "This is Why I'm Hot" at Pianos, but instead I sat here and watched Flight of the Conchords. But on second thought, it was totally worth it.

Where are you, Whitney?

I'm here... writing... drinking (usually... but oddly enough, not tonight)... having an all around kick-ass time.

Dang, I'm pretty crazy with the ellipses tonight... or is the proper form ellipsi?

11:30 p.m. is WAY too early to be going to bed.

Oh yeah, I watched Flight of the Conchords tonight and it was pretty rock-tastic. Too bad those dudes stood me up on our "date" a week ago Sunday. Hopefully Azis Anzari won't do the same thing to me this Sunday (he'll be at Union Hall in Brooklyn @ 8 p.m.). Cuz if I get stood up by a comedian again, I might go CRAZY.

Is it too passe to make jokes about Blackberrys? Because, you know, people are still addicted to them, but they're not a new trend. It's like, old news. Like Lindsay Lohan's DUI, etc. etc. etc. I'm thinking of doing a Crackberry skit but I could use some advice from the Interweb.

Tomorrow: Karaoke @ Pianos

Brette's 25th B-Day! You probably don't even know Brette, so you're not invited; however, if you show up and sing some karaoke and pay for your own drinks, you are allowed to hang out in the same room as us.

http://www.pianosnyc.com/

Plus, Pianos also rules because it has Guitar Hero parties on Tuesday nights. See you there!