So Weird

My best friend from high school has a 10-year-old. Yes, she was fifteen when she had her daughter, but that's not the weird thing. The weird thing is that I was a Freshman in high school TEN YEARS AGO. Oh my God, I am so old. I never thought I was going to get this old. I HAVE WRINKLES, for GODS SAKE!

The other weird thing is that my very cute friend from college won new boobs from a radio morning show. I had no idea that she didn't already have boobs, because I don't generally look at those kinds of things.

Another weird thing: I gave someone a present yesterday and she just took it out of my hands with a quick thanks and ran away. I tried to stop her and say "I got this for you..." but she just ran away. I was speechless. I'm sure she was busy, but she really didn't seem to give a shit that someone would do something nice for her. She's not my best friend or anything, but I was just trying to do something nice for someone and I thought she would appreciate it. I did something nice for her a few months ago and she took it for granted, too. So I'm convinced it's her and not me overreacting (or something).

That's all. I'm two drinks deep and still trying to recover from this very weird 24-hours.

But honestly, I hope it gets weirder. It keeps things interesting.

Etiquette

Please don't tell me how much you get paid. It's SUCH a turn off, since, you know, we both already know I make less than you.

Drained, Literally

Today I donated blood. I considered it my "good deed" for the week. But as we all know, no good deed goes unpunished. I thought that the universe would be tipping its hat to me this afternoon, but instead, I came hope to a big pile of dog poo at my apartment door. Turns out puppy couldn't control himself (I think he's sick, so I don't blame him), because he pooed once and peed on the couch twice while I was at school. Not cool. I was stuck cleaning all this up in my 1/6 of my blood drained state.

Marijuana

I think marijuana should be legalized, but I don't even smoke pot. It's just that there are way worse things in the world that are totally legal. Like smoking. Or booze. Or, Grey's Anatomy.

Frozen Yogurt & Hot Chocolate

Seems kind of ironic to have those two things within 30 minutes of each other, doesn't it?

So, Comedy Can Really Take You Places

Today I was solicited to do a show, but the guy who asked me had one request: keep it clean. That's fine, EXCEPT this thing I'll be performing at involves two of my favorite targets: lawyers and Christianity. Here's the deal...

An NYU professor who is apparently very religious is going to be discussing "What Lawyers Have to be Thankful For." I know, I know... too easy. Serious injuries, old people who are dying, their giant paychecks, hypocondriacs... easy stuff. But I have to make it light and heartfelt, which means I pretty much have to avoid lawyer-bashing. Bogus!

Now the religious element... this talk is being put on by the Cardozo Christians (what, are there, like, two of them? My school is mostly Jewish!!!). So that means absolutely no discussing abortions, gay marraige, and (this is going to be tough) no cursing!!! I guess it's "not very Jesus-like." But then again, being a lawyer in general is probably not very Jesus-like, either.

Wish me luck.